I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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