I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Randomize
