last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
