I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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