hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
her vagine was all disorganized.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
