Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
