"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
did i just pee glitter
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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