and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
