It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
