my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
