my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
