If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
