ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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