meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
That accounts for only three of the penises
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
So apparently I’m into choking now
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
