they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
