I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
