lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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