matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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