i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
