I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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