Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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