i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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