My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
