I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
