cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
