He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
