i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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