Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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