Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
