Your mouth is God's brothel.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
