I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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