Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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