Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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