Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
