he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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