paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
