I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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