She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
