Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
