yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
