i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
