i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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