I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
