My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
