Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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