I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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