Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
