Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
