: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
