the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
When are your genitals available?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
