i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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