He asked to "fluff my boner.."
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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