She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
