There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
