We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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