i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
