My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
