we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My liver just had a heart attack.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
