Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
