So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
