making cat noises will not fix the situation.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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