i need an iv and a liver transplant
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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