are you still at the devil's house?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
